We’ve all been there: scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, looking at everyone else’s glamorous, successful, abundant life and feeling progressively worse about our own. I’ve got to admit, at the end of a long day, I sometimes feel powerless against social media, getting pulled into the enticing world of pretty pictures and other people’s updates, and if I’m not careful, I can find myself deep in a pit of self-doubt playing the comparison game. All my insecurities come screaming to the forefront of my mind: “I’m not good enough. Who am I to do this healing work? My practice list/followers/likes aren’t as big as hers.” “My life is dull compared to them.” Believe me, it’s not pretty.
I don’t like to admit that I go there, but having talked with enough practitioners who’ve experienced this same struggle, I’m going to bet you’ve been there too. It’s hard not to! Humans are by nature competitive and with our lives on constant public display on social media, it takes a tremendous amount of discipline and boundary-setting to not compare how we feel our lives and businesses stack up to how we perceive others are doing.
But here’s the thing: this whole comparison game can actually be used to your advantage and there is a way you can win at it without turning it into an ugly competition. Truth: the fact that you’re comparing yourself and feeling lesser-than means you’re envious of someone else’s success. That, in and of itself, tells you that whatever they have or are doing is something you want and are capable of. We don’t envy what we don’t have the potential to achieve. When we look at someone else’s success and experience an emotional charge, it’s because we want that success for ourselves and we know inside that we’re capable of it but haven’t yet achieved it. And that’s the source of the uncomfortable feeling.
Understanding this creates the opportunity for the comparison game to become a powerful tool for personal and professional growth. We can learn to pivot this apparently negative experience into something both powerfully informative and action-inspiring.
Here’s what I do when I find myself playing the comparison game:
- Now that I know what I want, I look for evidence of my own success in my life. If this feels far fetched, it’s not. I promise you – it’s there. Sometimes you just have to look a little deeper for it. For example, if I’m feeling envious of the response someone is getting to a blog post, I can remember a time in my life where I’ve done something that got a really positive response. It doesn’t have to be a blog post specifically – I’m simply looking for evidence that I’ve already achieved a similar level of successful response somewhere in my life.
- Last and absolutely the most important: I identify one concrete action I can take in the next 24 hours that will move me closer to personally achieving whatever it is I’m envying. For example, if I see someone give a really outstanding talk and I know that my public speaking isn’t at that level, what is ONE thing I can do in the next 24 hours to uplevel my public speaking? Maybe it’s rehearsing an upcoming talk, maybe it’s signing up for a course on public speaking, or maybe it’s booking a date to attend a local Toastmasters group.
Something really powerful happens when you do this. Not only have you switched your thinking from negative self-talk to brainstorming empowering actions, you’ve also transformed the thing you envy into the real work it takes to achieve it. And that’s a powerful and informative exercise.
My challenge to you is this: the next time you find yourself comparing your sense of lack to someone else’s success, rather than feeling bad about it, take the three steps I outlined above and see how you can turn it into a powerful incentive to actually attain what you really want.
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FAQ
These frequently asked questions expand on the key concepts in this article and provide practical guidance for applying them to personal and professional growth.
Why do practitioners compare themselves to others?
Comparison is a common human tendency, especially in environments where other people’s successes are highly visible. Social media can amplify this by making it easy to compare your own reality with someone else’s carefully presented highlights.
Is comparing yourself to other practitioners always a bad thing?
No. Comparison can become a valuable source of insight when it is used to identify what you genuinely want rather than reinforce self-doubt. The article encourages reframing comparison as information instead of judgment.
Why does someone else’s success trigger feelings of envy?
According to the framework in this article, envy signals that you desire something you believe you are capable of achieving. The emotional response highlights a gap between your current reality and your aspirations, creating an opportunity for growth.
How can the comparison game become a tool for personal and professional growth?
Comparison becomes productive when it shifts your focus from negative self-talk to purposeful action. Rather than dwelling on what someone else has accomplished, you use the experience to clarify your own goals and identify your next step.
What is the first step when you notice yourself making comparisons?
The first step is to identify exactly what you are envying. Instead of thinking broadly about another person’s success, pinpoint the specific quality, achievement, or outcome that triggered your emotional response.
Examples might include:
- A compelling message
- Strong engagement with a post
- Excellent public speaking
- Creative visual presentation
Why is it important to identify the specific source of envy?
Identifying the specific trigger transforms a vague feeling of inadequacy into a clear objective. Once you know exactly what you admire, you can begin working toward developing that same skill or achieving a similar outcome.
How can you build confidence after recognizing feelings of comparison?
Look for evidence of similar successes in your own experience. The article recommends recalling moments when you achieved a positive response or demonstrated comparable strengths, even if they occurred in a different context.
What role does taking action play in overcoming comparison?
Taking immediate action shifts your attention from rumination to progress. Choosing one concrete step within the next 24 hours creates momentum and reinforces that meaningful growth comes through consistent effort.
Examples include:
- Rehearsing a presentation
- Enrolling in a course
- Scheduling time to develop a specific skill
- Committing to additional practice
Why focus on one action within the next 24 hours?
A small, immediate action makes personal growth feel achievable rather than overwhelming. Acting quickly also redirects mental energy away from self-criticism and toward measurable progress.
How does this approach change negative self-talk?
The framework replaces self-defeating thoughts with constructive problem-solving. Instead of asking why someone else is more successful, you begin asking what actions will help you move closer to your own goals.
How can practitioners apply this mindset to practice growth?
Practitioners can use comparison to identify areas they want to improve and then develop a practical plan to strengthen those skills. This creates a healthier focus on continuous improvement rather than competing with peers.
What are the three steps for turning comparison into motivation?
The article outlines a simple three-step process:
- Identify exactly what you are envying.
- Find evidence that you have demonstrated similar success or potential in your own life.
- Take one concrete action within the next 24 hours that moves you closer to the outcome you want.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Margaret Floyd Barry, FNTP MRHP is owner and Executive Director of the Institute of Restorative Health. She’s a functional nutritionist, author, speaker, educator, and real food advocate. Through years of experience working with the most complex client cases, including reversing her own autoimmune condition, Margaret uses a powerful system for restoring health by addressing the root cause of illness.
Today, Margaret teaches fellow practitioners the same proven system she uses to get her clients life-changing results through the Institute of Restorative Health – a two-year comprehensive functional nutrition certification program for qualified health professionals. Margaret also runs Restorative Corporate Wellness, a team of Restorative Health Practitioners facilitating health transformations with corporate clients. She is the author of Eat Naked and its follow-up cookbook The Naked Foods Cookbook. She’s also the host of the Clinician’s Corner podcast, where she interviews some of the world’s top experts in the fields of functional health and nutrition.
